Pumpkin Head started junior high school this week. For him, it was an exciting new adventure, for me it was a repeat performance of the first day of kindergarten. It's funny that both milestones left me feeling exactly the same way.
Back in 2003 my baby went to Developmental Kindergarten (he has a late birthday, wasn't quite ready for the real thing). He was so excited to ride the bus, to go to school everyday, make new friends and have a bit of independence. I too was just as excited for him, I knew that my social butterfly would love school and completely flourish, which he did. However, like most moms, I expected that first initial day might bring on some tears. I could see it, him wrapping his arms around me and me pulling them off while telling him everything would be fine. It would be the first time he would be off on his own, separation anxiety was just part of the territory. I knew it was going to be rough.
When the day finally arrived I braced myself as the bus pulled up in front of our house. I knew it was going to be ugly, and boy was it! The bus driver opened the door and Pumpkin Head ran onto that thing faster than I had ever seen him move before. It was like he couldn't get away from me fast enough. There were no tears, no "Mommy, I don't want to leave you" pleas, there wasn't even a wave good bye, he was out! I don't think I ever cried so hard in my life. I could barely see the road as I followed the bus to make sure it delivered my son safely to the school. Heartbreaking, just heartbreaking.
Fast forward seven years and there I was again bawling my head off as I watched (from my back porch) my baby board the bus this time to take him to junior high. I didn't know I was going to react like that! I thought I was cool with him growing up, but what I have learned is, I'm not cool with it, not at all!
Here's the thing, it's like I've entered another realm. The next half. No longer will I be worrying about him getting hit by a car, I'll be worrying about him getting in a car. I won't be worrying about him making friends, I'll be worrying about the kinds of friends he has made. No more worrying about if he likes the sport, it's will he make the sport. I won't worry about him ingesting chemicals, now I'll just worry about him taking drugs. It's another game and I am no longer the star player. I'm on the sidelines watching him make the choices I hope I've taught him to make.
What I wouldn't give to go back in time and have him be little, to have them all be little again. Back in the day, older women would always say to me, "enjoy this, they grow up fast." Of course, this was always when one was spitting up, one had just pooped and one was having a melt down in the check out line. I would always think, "yeah, right." Were they ever! All I can do now is cherish what I've got left because before long I'll be saying to them, "enjoy this, they grow up fast."
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Hello Again
I haven't posted in quite some time but I have a good excuse. Two words- Summer Vacation. Apparently during this time of year I not only lose privileges to my computer, but also to any complete thought my brain might produce.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE summer. No outrageous homework projects, no demanding schedules, just me, my kids and the pool. I also get to spend time participating in my favorite summertime sport- tanning. Yes, I love summer. It is the one time of year that I don't have live by my calender.
Summer always goes by too fast and come the beginning of August I feel the impending doom of the school year starting. My heart feels a little too heavy during this time. The end of the carefree days of summer, the knowledge that the next time it comes my kids will be that much older and of course, the fading of my tan, this is what makes cheerful attitude dissipate.
I hate this feeling of sadness, the only thing that keeps me from going into a total funk is the knowledge that it won't last long. You see, something always happens right around the second week of the last month of summer. Just when the tears fill my eyes and begin to flow steadily down my cheeks grieving the loss of free time and fun, they dry up. It's like a switch as been flipped, and suddenly I'm in back to school mode.
It happens instantaneously, this mental shift. It's the point where the stars in the sky align and that one fight between my kids happens at the exact same time. That is when in one split second I go from embracing my children as if holding them will keep summer longer, to shoving them out the door and asking if perhaps school could start a few days early.
I am there. It happened today. The one fight (which was their millionth of the summer) had happened, and the stars were in place. I am ready for them to go back to school! Not just go back, but run back! I've had enough sleepovers, swim time, even enough tanning. I'm done. I'm sick of my house always being a mess. I'm sick of hearing the complaints of how bored they are when there is one day we decide to stay home. I'm sick of them keeping tallies on each other on how many play dates or sleepovers each other has had over the past three months. I'm so done with summer. Bring on fall, bring on sweaters, bring on the crisp cool breeze. Bring. It. On.
Today I stand before you, a new woman. I have reclaimed my computer and I have collected all the ads for back to school savings. No more lazy days of summer for us, we are in full blown back to school lock down.
Summer, I will miss what we had though. Holding on tight to the memories that were made, the memories we will cherish all our lives. It was a great ride. Thank you for this time with my kids. I know that soon enough they will be sharing their summers with their own children, going through the same experience. Now there is only one thing left to say, goodbye summer, until next year, adieu.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE summer. No outrageous homework projects, no demanding schedules, just me, my kids and the pool. I also get to spend time participating in my favorite summertime sport- tanning. Yes, I love summer. It is the one time of year that I don't have live by my calender.
Summer always goes by too fast and come the beginning of August I feel the impending doom of the school year starting. My heart feels a little too heavy during this time. The end of the carefree days of summer, the knowledge that the next time it comes my kids will be that much older and of course, the fading of my tan, this is what makes cheerful attitude dissipate.
I hate this feeling of sadness, the only thing that keeps me from going into a total funk is the knowledge that it won't last long. You see, something always happens right around the second week of the last month of summer. Just when the tears fill my eyes and begin to flow steadily down my cheeks grieving the loss of free time and fun, they dry up. It's like a switch as been flipped, and suddenly I'm in back to school mode.
It happens instantaneously, this mental shift. It's the point where the stars in the sky align and that one fight between my kids happens at the exact same time. That is when in one split second I go from embracing my children as if holding them will keep summer longer, to shoving them out the door and asking if perhaps school could start a few days early.
I am there. It happened today. The one fight (which was their millionth of the summer) had happened, and the stars were in place. I am ready for them to go back to school! Not just go back, but run back! I've had enough sleepovers, swim time, even enough tanning. I'm done. I'm sick of my house always being a mess. I'm sick of hearing the complaints of how bored they are when there is one day we decide to stay home. I'm sick of them keeping tallies on each other on how many play dates or sleepovers each other has had over the past three months. I'm so done with summer. Bring on fall, bring on sweaters, bring on the crisp cool breeze. Bring. It. On.
Today I stand before you, a new woman. I have reclaimed my computer and I have collected all the ads for back to school savings. No more lazy days of summer for us, we are in full blown back to school lock down.
Summer, I will miss what we had though. Holding on tight to the memories that were made, the memories we will cherish all our lives. It was a great ride. Thank you for this time with my kids. I know that soon enough they will be sharing their summers with their own children, going through the same experience. Now there is only one thing left to say, goodbye summer, until next year, adieu.
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